There are 16 words that you need to discuss before you get married. Yes, 16 words that you need to discuss with your future partner that may predict your success in marriage (or any relationship). No matter how much you want the marriage to work, if you do not know or talk about what each one of these words means to you, then your marriage could be doomed. (Okay that is a bit overdramatic but proves my point)
This is sound marriage advice…
How do I know? My marriage failed in part because we never discussed most of these 16 words for 20 years. Even after the separation and divorce, we still cannot discuss many of these things that helped end our marriage. Communication is an important part of any marriage or relationship.
Here are the 16 words you need to discuss before you get married
- Wedding- Do you want to elope? Do you want a big wedding? Do not give in unless you can compromise on the wedding or you will regret it. If you are already fighting about the wedding, then this should give you a signal that the rest of the marriage might be in trouble.
- Sex- Do you love sex? Hate it? Do you love to kiss? Do you want adventure and excitement? You have to be sexually compatible to make it work because one of you is going to get bored or stray.
- Religion- Do you share the same religion? Or at least some similarities in your beliefs? Religion is an important topic that must be discussed so you can worship, pray, and celebrate together.
- Communication- Can you talk about sex? Can you talk about intimate things? Can you talk about money and not fight? You have to be able to carry on a conversation even if it is about the grocery list.
- Inlaws- Do you get along with your in laws? This will affect your marriage because if MOM does not like you, you are doomed. If his sibling(s) do not like you, he will eventually have to choose between you or them.
- Money-Does he have a savings plan? Do you spend money on things you want and he lectures you on saving? You need to talk about money and have a plan because the number 1 fight in a marriage is usually money.
- Past marriages/relationships- Does he have a bad relationship with his ex? Do you? This can and will affect your future because if he has child support to pay or she continually drags him to court, then you are going to end up resenting him. If the relationship is good and he spends a lot of time with her, then you need to make sure there is nothing else going on. You have to be comfortable with the past before you can move on with the future.
- Kids- Do you want 2 kids and he wants none? Are there step children? Do you know how you are going to raise them in regards to religion, education, and discipline? This is important to discuss before you commit.
- Food- Do you like Sushi and he likes Steak? Is he overweight and you watch your weight? Food is what you are going to share for the rest of your life and if you cannot eat a meal together, well then, what are you going to do on a date?
- Friends- Do you have similar friends? Are you losing friends because you have to stay home with your partner? Evaluate how important friends are and if you really want to give them up if your new partner wants you to be home with them.
- Expectations- Do you want a partner that will kiss you passionately and tell you he loves you 10x a day? Do you expect him to help with the housework and the kids? Do you agree on where you are going to live?
- Discipline- Do you exercise? Are you lazy? Do you believe in spanking children? Are you messy? Discipline covers many areas and you have to discuss how you are going to handle kids, your own health, and even who is going to clean the house and do the laundry.
- Lifestyle- Do you love beautiful things? Do you wear silk blouses but he wears flannel? Do you find yourself buying him new clothes because he dresses in cheap jeans, t-shirts, and flannel? If you dream of a beautiful home and he is happy in his trailer, then you are in for trouble! You have to want to live in the same place.
- Education- Do you use big words and he gets mad because he cannot understand you? Do you find yourself challenged to hold a conversation with him because he can only read the comics? I am just stressing that if one of you throws the “I am smarter than you” phrase out in conversations, then you may want to evaluate how important education and intelligence are.
- Dreams- Do you have dreams of staying at home with the kids but he wants you to work? Do you dream of traveling and meeting people while he wants to stay at home? Do you dream about the same things- like where you want to live in retirement? Do you have any of the same dreams that will keep you together after the kids are grown up?
- Personality- Do you like people? Are you organized and neat? Make sure you can handle the personality of the partner because you will be picking up after them for years…
Have you discussed any of these 16 things?
I hope you are able to discuss these 16 words before you get married. If not, then you need to take a topic at a time and talk about it. You need to find out what your partner thinks about sex, religion, kids, money, and who does the dishes. I am not saying if you discuss these things your marriage will last and you will never have an argument. Nothing in life is certain- so make sure to discuss these hot topics that cause many marriages to fail. If you cannot talk about these things before marriage, then what makes you think you can talk about them after marriage?
Do you have insight to share before getting married?
Who knows if I am right or wrong for sure but why take the chance? Go on a date or a long walk and talk about sex, religion, and your dreams. It is your life and you need to know who is sharing it with you. Knowing who you are going to marry is important.
Where fabulous knows no age. Be well and live life to the fullest.
2017 copyrighted material
Great 16 words, although I don’t know that I could have known the depth of the inpact those 16 words would have so long ago.
C Renee says
For me I know that I should have asked because we were not compatible in so many ways. But that is life and we move on. Thank you for reading.