Deal with the anger
You must look on a divorce as a mourning period and let the anger surface and deal with it but do not let it consume you. Anger is part of the grieving process and as a person we must learn to deal with it in a healthy way instead of resorting to acts of vengeance, bullying, or fighting. Instead take in this great piece of advice (I received)- think of divorce as a death and mourn it.
Divorce is a death you must mourn as the loss that it is
From experience, I give you this piece of advice, because I mourned the death of my marriage and mourned my divorce. I do not have family (besides my 2 sons) and most of my friends are married so I tried not to flood them with my divorce drama. It was hard and I had to be honest with myself and admit that I was afraid of what life would be without a husband. This scared me. When I starting looking at the divorce as a death, I was able to better cope with the anger, sadness, and guilt of a failed marriage.
Write that letter and burn it
Write letters getting out your anger and then delete and/or burn them. I found releasing the pent up emotions through writing helped me. Shed those tears and write down how you feel (and then burn it after you read it) and repeat if necessary. These letters you write are not for anyone else to read. This is a coping strategy to get the anger out so you can read it and acknowledge it so you can begin to heal.
Let me just add that sending a letter (on how you feel) to the other person is not going to change the their mind and may just complicate the process. After all, forgiveness and moving on is for you NOT them. If you have family and friends, then you lean on them to get you through this. If you do not have friends and family, then go out and make some, volunteer at a shelter, join a support group, or attend a Church and seek spiritual guidance.
I am glad you took the time to read this. If you are struggling through a divorce (as I am), look for positive people who can help you through it. Do as I did, and mourn your divorce as a death of the relationship and life that you had. This thought process helped me get through and move forward to being happy and working to my dreams. You can get through this if you take each day and say to yourself “I am happy, I am fabulous, and I can do this!”
Check out one of my favorite blogs with Dr. Ellen- 6 Tips to Navigate Change to help you get through this difficult time. She has some great words of wisdom.
On with Life at 50 Where Fabulous Knows No Age
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