Searching through some files I stumbled upon some Valentine’s Day and birthday cards that somehow did not end up in the garbage after I filed for divorce. I thought I had thrown them all away but I guess I missed a few. As I was opening them up to read what was inside I ran across a Valentine’s Day card from the year before our separation and divorce that he had inscribed “I will miss you”.
The inscription took me by surprise
As I read the card, I felt myself becoming warm all over and my eyes welling up with tears. It was not written to say “I will miss you” because we are divorcing but “I will miss you” because at that time my (ex) husband decided to try a new line of work across the country with his best friend and he would be gone for a few weeks…
BUT at that very moment I opened up the card to read “I miss you” the tear came down my cheek and I could only think of our conversations over the past few months about how he wanted to make sure he I knew he wanted to be friends and help me any way he can. Even though we are divorced, I still miss the idea of being married. The idea that you have a partner who is to be there for you when you need them. However, we were divorced and I had just found a card that reminded me that my marriage was over and that my life is forever changed.
I finally threw out the Valentine’s Day cards he gave me
We get along better now than when we were married. It is awkward at times and it is not easy finding old cards and trinkets that somehow escaped the garbage. Our memories play tricks on us too and as you mourn your divorce you find that you either over exaggerate the problems or under estimate the loneliness between you and your spouse. Valentine’s Day was just another day and we never celebrated with a romantic date or outing. It was a day to get a card with maybe a flower and some chocolate. He tried to be thoughtful but I knew his heart was not in it.
It was not easy throwing out a piece of marital history. It was a bit of a shock to read “I love you” because this card opened up the wounds of an injured heart and reminded me how romantically empty my marriage felt to me. However, after taking the photo of the card, and writing this post, I felt a sense of peace and clarity. I am reminded that our divorce was inevitable and finding this card was a blessing because it has helped me overcome a bit of anger I still clutched after the divorce. I finally let go a little bit more of the hurt.
Did you keep the cards and gifts after your relationship or marriage ended? I let go of them and it helped me heal because I feel I had to let the memories go and move past the anger, hurt, and resentment I had at the end of the marriage. Letting go is the first step in healing. Let’s chat if you need help in letting go. Divorce is not only the end but a new beginning of a life you can live your way.
2017 copyrighted material C Renee