My marriage ended because I was married to the wrong man for 19 years. You may be thinking why in the hell did you stay married that long and I would answer “because I liked being married and I felt I had to for our son”. What? Well let me explain and dance around the harsh reality that my ex husband was not my soul mate and he did not see the world the way I saw it. He was a nice guy that I could love and I thought I could mold him in to the man I needed. I tried to change who he was and that was only a short term fix because the longer we were married the more I realized that you cannot change someone else to be what you want them to be.
My marriage ended because I was married to the wrong man
The truth is we were not compatible. We were so different spiritually, intellectually, sexually, and religiously. Communicating my wants and needs would turn in to an argument or bitch session because he did not want to talk about sex, religion, or anything he deemed uncomfortable. We had so much drama and sadness in the first 12 years of our marriage involving his ex, his daughters, and his sister and family that we could never grow as a couple. We never talked to each other about the drama and pain because he did not want to have an argument or feel uncomfortable.
It was the mutual love and desire to raise our son that kept our marriage together. It was not easy as I struggled with the unhappiness of being married to a man who did not understand me. We were so different and, as the years went on, we ended up as strangers. We could not talk about anything except our son and what was on television. Our life was stagnant and at the end we both knew that we were not meant for each other.
Talk it over and find a mutual solution
It is important in relationships to be able to talk to each other and work at being a couple. Marriage is not always easy and sometimes you just cannot get along or communicate. When this happens you need to ask yourself what it would take to make you happy. There are options and I feel it is important as adults to be honest with yourself and your partner about how you feel. There will be anger, resentment, and even sadness and it is important as adults not blame each other or seek out some sort of revenge.
My ex husband and I get along but it was not easy at first to let go of the anger and sadness during the separation. Whether or not it was a mutual split, there still is the loss of the marriage. You have to grieve for the end of a marriage and let go of the past. Not easy but it sure beats walking around pissed off and unhappy. If you are married to the wrong person, let go and move on. There is no reason to stay in a marriage when neither partner is happy.
Have you ever found yourself with the wrong person? I think we all have at one point in our lives. Life is full of opportunities and chance to meet the right and wrong people. Life is too short to stay unhappy or married to the wrong person. If you want to chat, write me here. We are all women here living life one day at a time.
On with Life at 50 Where Fabulous Knows No Age
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