Why I would choose never to be a stepmother again
Yes you read that right. If I knew what I know now, I would have never married someone with kids and someone who had a volatile relationship with the ex wife. In reality the woman embarrassed me and her sketchy lifestyle made me sick and disgusted. When I found out what she was and who she was, I should have ran the other way and never looked back.
However, I fell in love with his daughters and felt I could be a good mother to them. For 10 years I devoted to being supermom and picking up the pieces of broken promises and never ending court battles over unpaid child support and visitation violations. Not that we had visitation because my ex husband had custody after proving she was an unfit mother.
My son was not treated fairly through this whole ordeal
My ex husband was an asshole and he was not always the nicest dad or husband. He even admits to this day he did not treat my son fairly. Looking back now I was not always the best mom to my son. I have cried over this and after long talks with my oldest son over the last year during my divorce, he told me that he loves me and he knows I did the best I could. Our son, my youngest son, says the same thing and this has helped me heal from the grief of divorce and 10 years of mourning the loss of my stepdaughters.
The money is gone and the memories are fading
We spent every tax return check for over 15 years paying off legal fees that mounted to over $100,000 which is more than my ex husband made in a year. We ended our 19 year marriage with a lot of debt and a lot of heartache. It took me a long time to get over the hurt and betrayal of what his daughters did. But then again, I blame myself for staying and fighting the losing battle. To be frank, I was embarrassed to be near this woman (and I use this term to be nice only). It was horrible for us to attend school events where she would show up with whatever man she was with at the time and act like she was mother of the year.
Meanwhile, I am the one who baked for the school parties, was the room mother, and helped the girls through nightmares after spending time with her and her men. I tried to fix them and my (ex)husband and it did not work because you cannot fix someone else. You cannot change the who or why someone is the way they are and all you can do is accept it and move on or leave it and move on.
I will always be the evil stepmother
And being the evil stepmother is a role I divorced when I divorced my ex husband. The pictures of our blended family removed from the frames and walls of my home and put in a box marked ‘family’ for my ex. Unfortunately our youngest son, their half brother does not remember them too much any more. He even said it was okay to removed the pictures because he doesn’t want to be reminded of what he cannot remember. The sad truth is that the beautiful memories I had of our once blended family are fading along with the sadness of losing my step-daughters whom I loved as my own daughters.
If the relationship would have been different, then being a stepmother could have been a rewarding and lifelong commitment. I know there are step parents out there who have been co-parenting with great success, but for all those out there who have fought the nickname “evil stepmother/father” the hurt and anger takes time to go away.
If you are facing or ever have faced being a step parent, give a shout out. I can say that it has taken over 10 years to get over the pain. At times during my divorce I was reminded of who I was and that my memories of family are not what the step daughters remember as adults. I am at peace finally because I know I did the best I could and my 2 sons are living proof that I was a great mom.
On With Life at 50 – Where fabulous knows no age
2017 copyrighted material C Renee